I wrote a post on Facebook today to some adoption friends asking this question…”Do you all ever feel completely under qualified to parent your children?” Is it just me? Please tell me you feel this way too.
I parented along for 8 years feeling fairly confident in my abilities. There were little hiccups along the way. Like when The Brainiac refused to take a bath for 2 weeks straight. Or Miss Middle twirled her hair into little knots at night that required the hair scissors. We mostly worked through those issues. And I was naive enough to think we had pretty much done it on our own. Hey, we are smart people. I have a master’s degree in Violin Performance. That ought to count for something, right? {HA HA!}
Then along came Danny. And he has rocked every parenting choice I have made to the core. I’ve questioned my questions. I’ve actually read a couple of parenting books and I’m a self professed “self help book hater”. What I’m trying to say…is I’m a failure.
It’s not a new issue…it’s just new to me. I was so busy parenting along all those years I didn’t realize how much I was failing. But now it is so crystal clear to me. Like a mac truck running over my face. I’m completely UN-equipped for this job and there are four little people who are hoping I’ll figure it out sometime before they reach adulthood.
The amazing part of this dilemma is that in MY weakness…God is strong. I can feel like a failure some days and it is ok. Because God has the entire situation under control and really doesn’t need me anyways (whew…what a relief!)
So here’s the plan now. I’m going to put one foot in front of the other every day (that was some great advice from a friend today). I’m going to love my kids and pour into them. I’m going to set boundaries and try to enforce them with patience and grace. And I’m going to just smile (hey…fake it til you make it) and PRAY these little people into grown ups.

Today I heard more hard stuff about this little boy I adore. I’ve been wanting some answers for a few weeks…and I got them. Unfortunately, they weren’t what I really wanted to hear. We are probably looking at at least another year of work before he walks on his own. We are ordering new braces (taller ones) and our own personal walker. We don’t think he has much feeling in his left leg. I’m applying for a handicap sticker for our car.
These aren’t the things that define us as a family. But it is HARD to hear that your child isn’t “perfect”. I think I’m still grieving his diagnosis for him (and for me).

I’ve had some great suggestions from readers about Danny’s therapy. Just to clarify. We participate in our school’s Early Intervention Program which offers free therapy in our home up to age 3. He’s been utilizing this service since February of last year just 6 weeks after coming home. After his Cerebral Palsy and PVL diagnosis we also started receiving medically based PT and OT through a local Rehabilitation Hospital. This has been AMAZING for his progress! Unfortunately, our insurance only covers 20 sessions PER YEAR and we will quickly burn through those before the end of the summer. We could pay out of pocket for a few additional sessions. But even if I broke my TJ Maxx habit…we can’t afford weekly sessions to continue.
So we are PRAYING our insurance will make an exception at the recommendation of his neurologist!!
{In the sensory room…practicing tracking his eyes near and far…which I’ve got to say…he ROCKED. Gotta love a 6 foot tall lava lamp!}

{Petting Thumper…his reward for walking all the way down the hallway}

{Blurry….but Holy Cuteness!}

With at least FOUR therapy sessions every week (sometimes more)…we are BUSY BUSY! I’m learning to juggle this new normal and trying to remain THANKFUL for this opportunity for him to learn and grow. I am beyond thankful too for a BIG GOD who has got this all under control….cause I know for sure, I don’t!
Happy Birthday little man!!!
Happy Birthday Danny Boy! What a sweet little face
Happiest of birthdays sweet little boy…we love you!